somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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