i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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