Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
