I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
