Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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