Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
