Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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