I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
