he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
