She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
