Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
