insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
