don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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