Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
