I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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