I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just cut my nipple shaving
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
