My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
