If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize