Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
