Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
