Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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