just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
