I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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