He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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