I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
