Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
