i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
