Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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