just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
