You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
