every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
