so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
