i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
