I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
