If that was your dad, he is hot
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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