I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
