Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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