it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
