I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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