I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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