I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I came so hard my ears popped.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
