Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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