Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
