we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
