I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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