I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
