he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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