she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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