being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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