I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
