She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize