I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
