he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
