dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
