He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
