dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
