matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
