Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
