he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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