i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
