The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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