I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
