who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize