My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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