I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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