This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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