i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
