What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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