just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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