I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
