I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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