I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
