Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
